i know you are only a dream, but i dont care. its nice to see you . even if you are just a dream.

i want to whisper more often.

"some users may not remember this part of the experience after regaining consciousness, in the same way that a person may forget a dream. the 're-integration' process is slow, and the user gradually becomes aware of surroundings. at first, users may not remember their own names, or even know that they are human, or what that means. movement is extremely difficult, and a user may not be aware that he or she has a body at all."

i would think it would be better to rate things in terms of how strongly they manifest themselves, rather than as a yes or no boolean-typed function. in that respect, i would estimate i have little depressive tendency, since my downs tend to be centered around an embarrassment for humanity, rather than a personal low feeling, i think. and another thing, i think when i get very depressed about the state of the world, i get slightly encouraged to try to change it. even though it seems completely hopeless, i start to feel that it is my responsibility, as someone who sees these wrongs to try to right them. even though i have done very little in the way of righting wrongs. i think of Bertrand Russell's motivation, "[t]hree passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair."

it has been called by Nigel Nicolson, Vita Sackville-West's son, "the longest and most charming love letter in literature."

a message incoherent.
a message coherent.
my enemies, they watch me from a distance.
shhhh! dont tell anyone.
i become overwhelmed.
the intimacy of the situation
nobody gets to come
lets stop selling violence and start selling sex.
sometimes your voice is not enough
i want to scream more often. at all.
its just not possible.
throw away your money.
give away your love.
been thoroughly condemned by the whole society.
you would be fantastic.
if i spoke every time i saw something beautiful i would be out of breath.
she always left late because she couldnt stand to miss the end. now she always leaves early; she cant stand to hear the goodbyes. this is human and i am not.
this is the drug that lets me dream in my sleep.
speak your mind, dont back down.
id love to fail, but i cant do it intentionally, and it just isnt likely to happen otherwise.
i am addicted to uncomfortable moments.

"wait wait wait, lets try and be scientific about this; one marshmellow at a time." -Dave

you know it doesnt really matter. there arent any rules about that stuff. and even the rules that there are about stuff, those were just made up anyway. the only rules that matter are the ones that you personally believe are good, and the ones that you happen to be breaking when you get caught. there is no real reason to break the first kind, unless you have some serious control problems over yourself. and the second kind, well, dont be too ashamed about breaking them, you dont believe in them anyway. and if you happen to do prison time for them, well, that sucks, but try not to feel down. it is a terrible thing to say you believe in a rule that you do not actually believe in, and to defend it; there is no excuse for the deliberate conscious committing of hypocrisy; it is deception in every sense. although i suppose there could be excuses for deception: protection, safety, self preservation. probably more than i know.

how many people on earth actually understand there is really no such thing as 'good guys' and 'bad guys'; virtually everyone thinks theyre doing the right thing. very few people are amoral or immoral on any regular basis.

me = vacilando. if i were to state my general impression of the meaning of life, it would pretty much be that word. for clarification: i am not claiming the word to be literally applicable to me so much as figuratively. figure that out.

also, i think something i might have written might have seemed humanitarianish. so read this and this.

i want to scream all the time.

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