how to show it

that activates my hilarity unit.

i really love the world 'kept'
which makes me think about how i love the word 'cept' too, though
cept is slang, not really a word. in general it is except, but it could also stand for accept. concept, precept, incept, inept - no, CEPT (probably vandalism?)
alright, i guess not.

i just misread the phrase, "publicly traded company" as "publicly traded laundry."

i propose a new word, "oup". itll be pronounced like 'soup' without the 'ssss' sound. i figure it can represent a double oops. so its as if youre saying oops for whatever problem you has just struck you (thats why people say oops), but then before you finish the word 'oops' you realize it is not actually an error, and therefore you have been wrong about being wrong.

one more storm to call it a winter.

im still pretty sure that people can be unsubjectively nice. there is a better wording for what i am trying to describe. i just cannot think of it yet. im pretty sure i embody what i want to.

i was thinking that whatever my personality is, its buried beneath a whole bunch of check and balances and crevices that for most people are filled with years of experience. ian said, "you don't know much about girls do you", and i said, well duh! isnt that fucking obvious? thanks for reminding me.

we'll collect the moments 1-by-1,
i guess thats how the futures done.

well i guess they still dont understand.

i dont know why i am scared of talking to people anymore than i know why people are scared of talking to me.

wait in the fire
wait in the fire.

its so difficult for me to remember that the world is not at all how i imagine it. i feel like i relearn that fact every day.

i guess it is sort of as if the world is in slow motion, but you arent normal speed either. youre stuck moving slow like the rest of the world. though you dont really feel stuck, because even your mind is running slow. you just feel observant of the speed of the universe.

this is pretty awesome.

soggy is a weird word.
foggy and soak are kind of neat.
i feel like ive just discovered words or something. as if they are as beautiful as anything else in the world. is there a condition in which one is easily swooned? i would definitely suffer chronically.

what separates me from most is my ability to articulate when describing my strange behavior.

when considering people who believe morals are derived from religion, or that religion has done good in the world, or that humans are inherently evil or bad, one very prevalent fact glares at me. there are many many social creatures in nature, they have no knowledge of the bible or spiritual beliefs, and yet they behave well. they do not just 'do wrong when they know they can get away with it'. they behave because it is natural to do so. because that is the most stable rule. i world in which 'evil' behavior is natural and encouraged would destroy itself, wouldnt it? everyone loves to say how terrible the current state of the world is. but its still here. things arent really that much different than in the past. and yet, they are completely different.

how 'thick' is a photon? seems 'zero' is a suitable answer, since they are transverse waves. or maybe they have to do with time? is there a length of time required for a photon to be absorbed?

im thinking of cutting my hair.
but also thinking of not cutting my hair.
its a dilemma i reckon.

i suppose i enjoy discussing physics and mathematics the way my friends all enjoy movies or skiing or going to concerts or bowling, needlepoint, uh... bike riding, surfing, computer programming. hmm, sky diving... drugs, logical puzzles... girls... politics... cooking. dancing. child care. writing. drawing. painting. singing. playing musical instruments. astronomy.

i just dont know how to show it.


dishwashing liquid


its the symmetry of the situation.
some kind of wonderful

the whole universe, one fundamental particle? alright, enough of that crap.
and thats when it got scary
can we discuss the entropy of a single atom? is a two proton atom some discrete amount more entropic than a hydrogen atom?

meant to leave
left to mean

one rule to being a good person is never allowing yourself to sink to 'bad peoples' level. you cannot allow yourself to say, 'this is how they work, and we have to play that way as well.' granted, im not a big fan of the idea that some people are bad. i can justify just about anything you could ever ask of me.

torture makes no sense at all. assume the human is actually a terrorist, with special knowledge. why are you going to trust what they say? if theyre willing to die for their cause, you really think torture is necessarily going to reveal the truth? why not send us in the wrong direction, if they can convince us of it. and what if youre wrong? what if this human is not a terrorist? then youre doing the most evil thing possible.

i psyche myself out about the cold so much that it becomes unrealistic for me to leave the house. which feels strange. great, and then it turned out to be pretty warm out. and i forgot it was easter so there was no way in hell any grocery stores would be open.

torture should almost be defined as any reasonably popularly agreed upon environment/treatment/situation for which constant/inescapable discomfort and or stress is generated (invoked? no... implied? intrinsic? theres a word that means discomfort is grown, or generated). so for instance, most people would agree that typical prison conditions are a fair punishment for many of the crimes with prison time sentences. and most people would agree that... i dont feel like finishing this thought.

we've come so far. "Ussher's specific choice of starting year may have been influenced by the then-widely-held belief that the Earth's potential duration was 6,000 years (4,000 before the birth of Christ and 2,000 after), corresponding to the six days of Creation, on the grounds that "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day" (2 Peter 3:8). This view had been almost completely abandoned by 1997, six thousand years after 4004 BC."

its the responsible thing to do.

so the real question is, how much torture can 'the greatest nation on earth' tolerate before it no longer feels comfortable claiming it is 'the greatest nation on earth'?

youre obviously confused and aroused.

rarely do things come naturally. usually only after intense consideration can i even attempt them.
got to get to the top
to topple the tip

i frequently have these moments in which the world around me just seems extraordinary. as if i am in the front row of some grand symphony.

i should try exploring the properties of alternate base systems.
also i should try plotting the resulting difference in combination as a 'phase', perhaps by shifting the point off it original position by a unit amount at some angle corresponding to the resulting order of partitions.

ha ha, john yoo says that september eleventh sounded more like war than crime. and i agree. but in the end, neither war nor crime are excuses for torture. these ideas reflect the belief that there are certain acts which good humans should not do under any circumstances. oh yeah, and hey, FUCK YOU john yoo.

this afternoon, shortly before walking through the front doorway of my building, i saw a beautiful girl. and i fell in love in about two seconds. it really sucks it does. what the hell do i do? she had a guy with her. best i just forget the whole thing.
actually, a few hours later i was washing some dishes in the sink and noticed that the dish soap reads, "dishwashing liquid" and i dont know why but that phrase is just beautiful. i fell in love with a silly product description. thats just messed up.

morally isolated.
a lot of the pressure.

oh my god i am going in sane. this has to be sanity. i have to have lost it. please help, i cannot be alone any longer. it will kill me.

i need to learn to stop assuming that people know i love them.
your eyelashes tickled my neck.

take the bait.
just make sure you give all we can take.

"If supersymmetry is realized in nature, there will be corrections to g-2 of the muon due to loop diagrams involving the new particles. Amongst the leading corrections are those depicted here: a neutralino and a smuon loop , and a chargino and a muon sneutrino loop. This represents an example of "beyond the Standard-Model" physics that might contribute to g-2."
okay, at this point even i am starting to think that the physicists are just making shit up.

oh wow i really love Mirah. i forgot how much i love her. i am totally willing to admit obsession here.
cumbersome as it may be.

all this chemical imbalance bullshit... how do we know what correct chemical balance is? how do we know that the imbalance is inherent to the person, and not the result of an external influence such as lifestyle? our lifestyles are so radically different than most of our species history; everything, absolutely everything we do and interact with, is different.

everything you know is potentially wrong. do not forget this for even a moment. but dont let it get to you, most of it probably will be mostly fine, its been throughly checked.

individuals broken

youve murdered my thinking.


my complement

heh heh... god made me an atheist. do you question his wisdom?!

computational geometry
weierstrass function
photon polarization
circular polarization
hard drive study. that didnt help me at all really.
EM wave equation
sensory defensiveness
kind of just neat.

we should start a weekly evil conspiracy and needlepoint group.
lets start with ridiculous and work our way backwards.
why am I hanging around in the rain out here
a subtle encouragement.

"its a great way to become popular
if you want to be popular with law enforcement"

heres a question, would you eat at a restaurant that was founded by the KKK? what if it was really popular, like mcdonalds, the olive garden, or whatever your favorite restaurant (fast food or otherwise) is. maybe i have a flawed sense of morality, or maybe this is flawed logic, but it seems to me that organizations with a long history of immoral, unacceptable, downright EVIL behavior, ought to be destroyed. the catholic church is my target here, as they have history of destructive, poisonous behavior that long predates the industrial revolution, and any other corporation. their crimes against humanity long predate the establishment of america, and worse yet, they continue to this day!

i know we constantly question the comprehensibility of the universe, repeating to ourselves that in all likelihood there are things that we simply cannot comprehend. are we justified in assuming this? could we be justified in assuming the complement?

so when you come down from your death defying labors, ill still be in love with you.

with respect to the anthropic principle, yes, of course the universe must exist in such a way as to support life. but in this sense, must is only a result of us talking about it! duh! but okay, we do not know why the universe has the 'settings' that it has. nor do we know the likelihood of it having different settings. nor do we know the likelihood that different settings would or would not lead to life! therefore we have very little idea of how rare or not rare life actually is. sort of like trying to get a monkey to understand what what the likelihood of a catastrophic failure occurring during typical unmanned rocket launching. the monkey just wont know enough to understand it.

also, some people tend to argue that there must be some mystical element in the universe to explain consciousness, life itself, or spiritual sensations. but why! very few people will ever understand even the simplest phenomena, let alone seriously complexity. how many people really understand why a top stays up? or a bicycle? how many people out there even know what the n-body problem is? the uncertainty principle, and more so the mathematics behind it, ensure that nothing (no one) can possibly know everything, or practically anything really. but claiming that there is a deity of some sort implies that there exists such a being! also, it implies that you know there exists such a being!
okay, i think now im out of control.

how many of us can really understand what makes an insurmountable obstacle? can any of us? can we even be sure there are such things? yes. but its difficult. we can prove there are insurmountable obstacles when trying to find whole number (integer) values of x, y and z that satisfy x^n + y^n = z^n for any n greater than or equal to three. along with many, many other mathematical truths, that often seem trivial in the light of reality.

what is wrong with us all! we made all of this up! every bit of it! there is not a single idea, concept, object, whatever, noun... that humans did not conjure up themselves! and no, i dont mean that without humans thered be no universe or stuff in it, like rocks and cats and mathematics. no i mean that without humans words like god wouldnt exist.

insurmountable obstacles.

osculating curves (mathematical porn)

unfortunately for us, i dont know how not to be me.

she passes through you like a knife
oh take me with you
you silver rider
sometimes your voice is not enough.

subtly private
sometimes my passion shows through
which is the reason girls like me i think.

wikipedia articles to re-look up:
quantum harmonic oscillator
riemann hypothesis
spherical harmonics
black body
ha ha ha
annihilation operators. good band name?

which would you rather have?
a jealous but expressive guy
or a passive and free-spirited guy who has trouble expressing himself
okay, wait, thats not really what i mean.

hey, what just happened?

youll have to keep me human
everything glowing.
strange at it may seem.
but that doesnt help; it doesnt help.

when i do move out of my apartment, i should take all my bottles, write messages and throw them in the ocean.

every day feels like the first one.

Dan told me about HB 1623, a bill to decriminalize marijuana, establishing a limited fine maximum of 200 rather than up to 2000 and two (?) years in prison. it passed in the new hampshire congress, i made this chart to show the voting proportions, and reiterate the age old question, why would any drug user be republican?

i also wrote to governor Lynch here, (by way of the email the governor link), urging him to pass the bill. my slightly awkward due to the 800 character limited message was as follows:
I have been told that you, Governor Lynch, will veto HB 1623, regarding the penalty for possession of marijuana. I strongly encourage you to pass this bill. You may have heard, more than 1% of American adults are now incarcerated, and NH has experienced the second largest growth in prisoner population in 2007, at 6.6%. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/us/28cnd-prison.html?_r=1&oref=login). Given the economic burden this creates, the lives it destroys, the relative harmlessness of the act, as well as the shear hypocrisy of parading about, cheering 'freedom', while criminalizing the possession of even a small amount of this natural substance, is downright absurd. Please come to your senses and see that this is the right decision to make. A historical first step in the right direction.

the other night i saw lars and the real girl, and i really liked it very much. half way through the movie i felt as if i had fallen in love with each of the girls surrounding the main character, including a married pregnant woman, and a very lonely old doctor. then i began to realize that i just sort of loved all the characters, and eventually i came to the conclusion that it is because all of the characters were just very very nice people. as nice as can be i would say probably. thats probably why so many people tend to like me too. though maybe ive become less nice than i used to be, over the last few years. i dont know, it is hard to say.
i think for most of my life, i have been so nice to people, they feel obligated to be nice back. and on the rare instance that someone was mean, and i felt hurt, it was very short lived, often ending when someone else around me stuck up and resolved it. maybe my life just sort of fed the process more and more until it became very difficult for me to be mean, or even understand why anyone is mean? i suppose i still am from time to time though. maybe just as much as anyone. i dont see others being mean that often.

the characters were just all sweet people though.
makes me think of the silver mt zion lyrics, "please, believe, gentle dreams, the sweetness of people, whistling in their sleep". if i remember that right.

feed the process.

also, girls like passion. thats why they like me. i suppose everyone likes passion. if you really want to capture someones heart, reveal your passions to them. im pretty passionate about a lot of relatively impersonal things, so it shows through a lot i suppose.

and you were standing here beside me.
its okay. if i were human, id be desperate too.
theyre not real, so theyll last for ever. isnt that neat?
this is how the world ends.

taxi to the dark side; you almost dont want to believe it. preferring to think rather that it just cannot be true.

why do i stare at everyone with the same generic look of contempt?

my complement.


puzzles like you

the water gets deeper the further we get out.
always fucking naysaying!
busy smile

heh heh heh, filthy stinking rich. "two out of three doesnt cut it, trust me!" -Zoidberg
ha really cool

"The sensory diet is a schedule of daily activities that gives the child the sensory fuel his body needs to get into an organized state and stay there. According to SI theory, rather than just relying on individual treatment sessions, ensuring that a carefully designed program of sensory input throughout the day is implemented at home and at school can create profound, lasting changes in the child's nervous system."

people say you shouldnt hate things about yourself, or want to change yourself. "Examples of hypersensitivity include feeling pain from clothing rubbing against skin, an inability to tolerate normal lighting in a room, a dislike of being touched (especially light touch) and discomfort when one looks directly into the eyes of another person.". the last two are things i really hate about myself. oddly enough though, my dislike of being touched is very much in my head. mentally, i want to be touched so badly. but physically, if i am not mentally aware that i am going to be touched, it can invoke a very coarse response from my body. if my head is aware of the potential of touching, it can over rule my body and enjoy it quite a lot. probably as much as almost anything. eye contact is very much similar. not a problem if im thinking about it, but very awkward if i am not mentally prepared or at least aware.
isnt it neat how 'as much as almost anything' and 'almost as much as anything' have significantly different meanings?
ha ha ha, kind of like that whole, 'what are you waiting for{!,?}'
ill bet me unconsciously masking my voice is a part of all this too.
ive said for a long time that while everyone else was off learning how to be social i was learning about science. but there was more to it then that. most people learned social behavior, and they learned about themselves, their bodies, they learned about other peoples bodies. they learned a whole world of information that i am only now beginning to realize even exists. it is odd how internal i am, without anyone ever really noticing. people comment on my behavior a lot, but i dont recall ever a comment like that.

well, so im about to watch "a fish called wanda" when i suddenly come across this note and link to its corresponding source:
In 1989 a Danish audiologist, Ole Bentzen, died laughing while watching A Fish Called Wanda. His heart was estimated to have beat at between 250 and 500 beats per minute, before he succumbed to cardiac arrest.
no normally i wouldnt be intimidated, but i have been feeling a bit under the weather lately, so to speak, and especially my lower abdomen, where i believe my lymph nodes may have swollen up in the last two days to fight off whatever infection it was that made me wish i were dead on thursday. seeing as how intense uncontrollable laughter often afflicts that area severely when in perfect health, there is a certain hesitation in my decision to move forward.

oh man, i gotta stop talking so oddly formal.

wouldnt it be funny to try and take a big safe through customs? and then when they ask you to open it to see whats inside, explain that you cant open it because you dont know the combination.

i dont remember if i wrote about this already, but i was thinking recently that there is no good reason for us to believe we could ever accurately (usefully?) predict such complex behavior as (say) the stock market, the weather, or perhaps even the global climate on any appreciable scale. i want to be clear that i am all altering our behavior with regards to our impact on the planet, im just not behind the statements/predictions given as to what is happening, what will happen if we dont do anything, and what will happen if we do do things. it is sort of the very nature of creativity.

my country
invaded another country
for Weapons of Mass Destruction
and all we got
was this stupid t-shirt.

and now
you know

Corey: what do you think about the criticism about hilary that middle east counties won't take her seriously
me: thats a good question, i hadnt heard that before.
Corey: i just heard that recently
me: id like to think that they would take her seriously simply because she would be the most powerful person in the world. but then again id like to think they would respect all women simply because they are human beings, and they dont necessarily.
Corey: ya it might become an issue i think if she is nominated
me: though it could easily be argued either way; on the one hand, they might not take her seriously and it might inhibit progress since we are irrevocably involved in the development of the middle east. on the other hand, just having a female president might promote more tolerance to women all over the world, at many levels, even if the leaders of certain countries are not tolerant of it, it is conceivable that the people themselves, whether male or female, may become more accepting of females.
the situation illustrates a deeper fact of progress. in order for the status quo to change, it must be challenged. if it is challenged too early, the challenge runs i higher risk of failing. if it is challenged too late, it retards the rate of progress.
im not really afraid of it though. i think hillary would work really well. and on top of that, i think obama is going to win the nomination anyway.

me: do you remember that video where a guy edited his piano an drum hits together into music?
bryant: ah yes
me: he was finnish or something. i never really understood his name.
bryant: yeah and his first video was the edit of him just beat boxing
me: its kind of funny to think i need to have some abstract understanding of things, even like names, in order to remember them.

fuck this place.
go here and help stop the nonsense.

partner in crime.

is thinking youre creepy enough to be creepy?

yeah, im obsessed. ill admit it. is that wrong? im not crazy. or maybe i am. but at least not so crazy that i cannot see im obsessed.

i too badly want things to be important.

photoelasticity tensor
still fallible
zone of avoidance

great, a drunk guy got into my building and cant find his way out. and is now knocking on mine and all my neighbor's doors.
ha, and now one of the neighbors must have called the police, cause now i see a police officer is here.
oh man, this is funny. i saw two police approaching the building. then i used the bathroom, i went back to the window and the drunk guy was walking down main street. now two more police cars have shown up, i havent seen the first two guys exit the building yet, and the drunk guy has probably made his way down main street far enough to be gone.
wonderful. five cruisers are in sight of my building, parked on otherwise empty main street, and i can hear police searching the offices below me.
and then they all left. now. at 3:16 am in the morning on the 12th.

function guilt
"no one asks, 'but what can you do with your model train?' "
keep up the good work.

do you think we could 'prove' the second law of thermodynamics with more fundamental principles of math/computer science and complexity theory? really more the question could be, is the time irreversibility of physical reality explainable in terms of the mathematical property of 'one-way-ness'?

ha ha ha
rainbow tables
meet-in-the-middle attack - this is actually really cool.
crap, is this right?
i am no complexity theorist, but i believe that the statement, "Often, by exploiting a time-memory tradeoff, the complexity class of a problem can be changed altogether", is misleading. i think instead of 'complexity class', it should say something like 'tractability',
i cant decide now... it sort of seems that the complexity class must remain the same. though you would be able to talk about a problems space complexity and time complexity... hey, can you talk about a problem's space-time complexity? reminds me of the... damn, some formulation of quantum mechanics that allows you to mix the wave and matrices formulations? seems wrong. im imagining some sort of isotherm sort of relationship between time and space in computing.

we should build a turing porn farm
these are both really cool. especially since i sort of understand them!
meet in the middle attack
level set method
space-time tradeoff
parametric surface
hash function
computational geometry
ask me about these things. discussing them will help ensure permanence in my memory. or help me understand them better.
should i be more interested in computational geometry? i dont know yet. but i think maybe yes.

puzzles like you
and you like puzzles
puzzles would be a good pet name

3·14·08 (pi day)
i wish you were mine.


intrinsically fascinating

have you ever been afraid to eat?
if you suddenly had four legs, how long do you think itd take you to get used to it?
it looks fun to be an elephant in the jungle.
precious structures.
your precious structures.
crystal oscillator.
it would be nice.
id go the whole wide world.

wow, theres a lot of cool looking perpetual motion machine videos on youtube. a little bit disturbing the energy that people have put into such nonsense, though it does look entertaining. we would probably be better off if the energy they put into their perpetual motion ideas was instead put into something useful.
a simple way to analyze these machines, and see in principle why they must all fail, is to imagine a vector field for whatever force (gravity, magnetic...), and visualize the equipotentials. since each force must be defined and continuous in space, and the components of any mechanism also have to travel continuously through space, it is pretty obvious that magnets and gravity have no potential to fulfill the desires these people convince themselves of. of course this might be another matter. really, though i dont condone armchair psychology, i think he might be schizophrenic or at least highly delusional or something.

unlike this man, who probably has the right idea about what many people consider to be ancient mysteries.
suddenly it seems like the phrase "everything from x1 to x2", when we are only concerned with upper bounds, should imply another dimension to the problem. for instance, in the video about wally wallington moving stonehendge sized blocks, they say he moved everything from 1 ton blocks to entire buildings. since the building is much larger than a 1 ton block, it seems a bit of a waste to mention the much smaller block. on the other hand, he also lifted 22000 lb blocks, which very well may have weighed more than the building he moved. in the statement with {x1 = 22000 lb blocks, x2 = entire buildings}, an additional dimension of size is implied; not only can he move heavy objects, he can move large objects too. is this a huge waste of time?

some people take the critical stance that you cannot justify having a moral system without religion, or that at least any moral system created without religion would be somehow inferior to any religious one. the appropriate response should be, why not? a moral system resulting from purely internal principles can be as high (or low) a standard as one wishes. this will likewise follow for the interpretation of externally (to oneself) generated moral systems, as is the case with religiously defined moral systems.

wow, so i guess being sick helps me dream, or remember dreaming, or whatever is going on (this is the second night in a row ive remembered my dreams, which seems it must have been many months since that last happened at all). i had a dream that stefan and i were in boston, trying to get gas. and we were waiting in a long line of traffic. i kept making weird little nit-picky comments and he seemed to be getting kind of annoyed.

ha ha, i just like the idea of plants calling people on the phone, (when they need help!). though it sounds oddly pathetic, i almost want to do it just to tell people about it, and to pretend to get excited when my plants call me.

i think i might finally be able to write those letters to my grandmother about gyroscopes. maybe i could start that today after grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning up my apartment some.

i watched stranger than fiction yesterday, and really enjoyed it a lot actually. though i shouldnt leave the word actually there, since i have expected myself to like the movie since i saw the preview apparently last year.

this way out

she is intrinsically fascinating to me,
she pulled a rabbit out of a hat,
(and magic happened)
and soft spoken secrets
take this apart


but it is as if i wasnt

you know how as kids, your parents would tell you things like, "dont talk while other people are talking", and stuff like that? well instead of ingraining good habits into my children, im going to teach them to have full control over their habits. so ill have them play a game where they both need to talk over one another, attempting to make the other person pause.

impressively splendid

im alone, i am not lonely.

the problem with jokes like typing 'compliments' and linking 'complements' is that: of the small portion of people who notice, most think its a mistake. unlikely that enough people will see it that even anyone would catch it.

This is known as the grey body assumption.

plotting of the partition problem, try only the points, as larger objects, shift them slightly forward for each successive group (so a = {(1,1),(1.05,1),(1.1,1),(1.15,1),(1.2,1),...,(<2,1)} distribute the values that a = (x,1) across the interval x = [1,2)
oh wait, remember that you normalized them already too.

who is lesstcool?
who was lesstcool.

chris something or other on NPR 3·4·08 around 8-10

christian right & radical islam evil twins of one another. (?)

im looking for a way to stretch these points out into an arbitrary number of orthogonal dimensions, visually... that make any sense? also, try 'growing' the points still, so they get bigger as they get older or something.
oh, okay, i need a program to go through and and systematically test all combinations, recording for each one a value in an array with length equal to the number of different combinational tests.

hey, if you truly believe in some sort of deity and that our moral behavior was predefined by said deity... what would you do if that deity spoke to you, personally, and told you to kill someone. we could vary the 'convincing-ness' of the spiritual experiences, for instance, the deity could speak to you once, on occasion, frequently, perhaps even all the time. maybe it sends visions too. assume that the conditions of the visit are sufficient to convince you the deity is indeed beyond this world and you may as well consider them to actually be a god... would you do what they say? could you obey that sort of command?

as a child, it almost seems like i was surprised that people believed religion. i think i assumed they, like me, were just pretending that these things were true because the alternatives made them uncomfortable. and i think i became very comfortable with the alternatives at a very young age. for a period late in high school, i did sort of long for a more socially popular belief system, though it was maybe more for the social aspects than any of the 'benefits' that believers tend to impart on themselves.

this seems strange, but it is as if i wasnt even aware that people say things they dont mean.

i could probably define the word "interesting" as "that which can prevent me from sleeping". in which case, girls are definitely interesting.

why do i have an urge to record interesting phrasing that people use?
so i stopped bringing rocks home. but i switched to bringing home ideas. why am i so loving of things? rocks, ideas, people?
offend my sense of correctness.

"whatever our society once viewed as appropriate reaction to dashed dreams it now regards as illness."

degree of truth
fuzzy set operators
fuzzy complements
fuzzy unions at this point im thinking that putting the word 'fuzzy' before any other word is probably funny.
paradox of the heap
degrees of potential surprise
transferable belief model
universe of discourse

what was i supposed to do!
what else could i have done.

she really doesnt believe me? she cant see my attachment?

i think youre amazing.
knowing you, makes all the difference.
it is kind of funny how little ive changed.

this is where the moment finds us.


gather my thoughts

see nothing unusual.
fake smile contest everyone!
a great disappointment.

in the same vein as the "only one side of one sheep is black", we dont really understand the universe well, we simply understand the behavior of the universe near to the earths surface extremely well. better than anyone has ever known anything. by far.

"everyone is aware that i applied a correction"
in the immediate failure

moments of clarity come and go.

"its like youre strapped to a bomb."
"if its real, these pills wont kill it."
"i have great affection for you."
"im not the enemy.
then who are you?"

this is just a nightmare.
and soon im gonna wake up.
gather my thoughts.

"his names cold blood; sgot a scar cross his throat. ill hook you up. you two can go get nachos together."

when people tell me ive changed, i feel compelled to respond:
havent i always?

time to build a new habit.
im addicted to change.

hey, if we can read people's thinking based on their brain pattern or EEG or something, could we also force it into certain thoughts by intentionally triggering those patterns? could we convince them of something horrible?

i think my concept of 'scientifically minded' is basically an honesty about what is and is not understood, combined with a respect for the sacredness of truth. throw in some dedication to learning and understanding and following the rules of logic, and maybe some simple do-s and dont-s of science, and youre well on your way to being a scientist. pattern recognition, abstract comprehension, analytical thinking... a strong curiosity in the nature of things as well as a flexible & patient attention, big pictures made of details. time to stop this now.

well, there are a number of options im okay with: i dont mind the fact that people are good at sports or art, and are rewarded handsomely. i most definitely do not like the rewards given in large disproportion to the higher ups in many bloated conglomerate corporations. i guess the concept of 'scientifically minded' in this case could be called an honesty about what is and is not understood, combined with a strong respect for the truth.

"no no, im not losing this. everything is now finally signficant, the world is a beautiful and radiant place, im not trading that for this."

i think the thing i find most amazing about some people, is their ability to make me feel human. and this is only true when neither they nor i notice it is happening. but they know how to make me feel human even though ive never figured that out.

this is all baloney. theres no mystery in most of these things; near death experiences, are you kidding me? fucking DMT, Ketamine, LSD... hallucinations are not mysterious whatsoever. deja vu? its a fucking internal time-stamp error! okay? youre brain records memories, and along with those memories a rough idea of when they happened (obvious). the memories your brain records are information, either received through the senses or generated internally (such as thoughts, ideas, new emotions, whatever). that information, whatever it may be, simply has to be stored to memory with a "previously stored" rather than "happening right now" tag. its simple. ever notice how when you have the sense of deja vu, that no matter how strongly your next observation seems to be familiar and previous, you still didnt think of it until afterwards? thats because it didnt exist until you observed it! ghosts! are you fucking serious! the mind body connection! dont you understand consciousness yet? psychic power and esp fuck you! ufos, mysterious disappearance... i gotta stop that. or is it start that?

we are limited by our limited awareness and understanding of our own senses.

my malignant little friend
opposite the sun
compensate with the pasta sauce!

is it really acceptable to look at subsets of a system? or must it be all?

i was running down a flight of stairs at work when i suddenly forgot whether i was skipping one step at a time or two. panic ensued.

im not sure any field is in a deeper darker hole than cosmology; rotation curves, dwarf galaxy problem, dark matter, dark energy, inflation, cuspy halo problem...

"obstacle to progress."
"depend on it."

emotions & volume
im gonna move to AZ or NM or desert like area and be a ship builder or boat maker... ill have full market control.

im too internal. i should express more.