mystery and wonder

4·22·08
i just realized that i have difficulty differentiating arrogance from confidence, when it comes to myself, personally at least.
also, when i drink lots of wine, my brain experiences a delay between moving my head and knowing which way my eyes are oriented.

do you think the correct phrasing is, "im wearing too many clothes" or "im wearing too much clothing" ? they both sound a little weird to me. and also somewhat acceptable.

im not shy about personal matters. just about meeting people i guess. im not afraid of getting naked. just of expressing something, whether physical, mental, verbal, whatever, that will offend those around me, when i care about them, i suppose.


4·23·08
constructive skepticism...
when to stop asking why?

the concept of unbounded growth

this came up in my google search:
"poison lips kiss of death doomed romances faithful moon not here sometimes."
...and... i dont know why. i dont think ive ever searched for that, or anything even similar.
"if i had a heart it might be broken right now."


4·24·08
no one left to act normal for.
that must be what love looks like.
fire coming.

i had considered fling, and distance, but i had not considered that i was not clear. which ought to be obvious to me. i just intentionally sacrificed clarity for security.


4·26·08
the why doesnt matter at all.

i didnt freak you out?
maybe that is what happened.

ive wondered for a long time, but never been able to express as clearly as this, could the origins of life be similar to the way crystals form and grow in nature? maybe far less common or likely, but similar, in the sense that it is a just the result of physical rules that make a certain configurations more likely than others?

in which case, maybe nanobacteria or nanobes, or viruses, or something else yet unknown and similar, are possibly 'missing links' between inorganic material and organic materials.

this is ridiculously interesting, and supports my question:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanoarchaeum
The sequencing of the Nanoarchaeum genome has revealed a wealth of information about the organism's biology. The genes for several vital metabolic pathways appear to be missing. Nanoarchaeum cannot synthesize most nucleotides, amino acids, lipids, and cofactors. The cell most likely obtains these biomolecules from Ignicoccus.
(ignicoccus is its required host, i didnt paste that paragraph).
wow, and this is even better!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carsonella_ruddii
they say, "it may have achieved organelle-like status"!

though the origin of life still makes me fumble, as it seems like an incredibly obscure, distant, inaccessible, complicated, and all around completely mysterious event, ive got to venture a guess at outline the general progression i expect will be discovered, in my life time; my guess is that large, rare, and sharing the same elements as, but not really classified as, 'organic' molecules, which form under certain conditions, combined, forming very simple certain mechanisms, and when these mechanisms happened to form near enough to one another, a simple 'creature' was formed, possibly like some... actually, i hate speculating so wildly on such details. i expect missing links to continue to exist, as would always be expected for an old obscure event. however, i think that life forms like those mentioned above begin to illustrate two facts of life that we are starting to learn and understand in their more ubiquitous forms: that the individual parts can have a purpose without the whole, and that symbiosis permeates mother nature on the entire gamut of life.

this is real fun.
it is probably one of the most significant or important events ive had in my lifetime.



it might help me a lot.