3·26·08
that activates my hilarity unit.
i really love the world 'kept'
which makes me think about how i love the word 'cept' too, though
cept is slang, not really a word. in general it is except, but it could also stand for accept. concept, precept, incept, inept - no, CEPT (probably vandalism?)
alright, i guess not.
i just misread the phrase, "publicly traded company" as "publicly traded laundry."
i propose a new word, "oup". itll be pronounced like 'soup' without the 'ssss' sound. i figure it can represent a double oops. so its as if youre saying oops for whatever problem you has just struck you (thats why people say oops), but then before you finish the word 'oops' you realize it is not actually an error, and therefore you have been wrong about being wrong.
3·28·08
one more storm to call it a winter.
im still pretty sure that people can be unsubjectively nice. there is a better wording for what i am trying to describe. i just cannot think of it yet. im pretty sure i embody what i want to.
i was thinking that whatever my personality is, its buried beneath a whole bunch of check and balances and crevices that for most people are filled with years of experience. ian said, "you don't know much about girls do you", and i said, well duh! isnt that fucking obvious? thanks for reminding me.
we'll collect the moments 1-by-1,
i guess thats how the futures done.
well i guess they still dont understand.
i dont know why i am scared of talking to people anymore than i know why people are scared of talking to me.
wait in the fire
wait in the fire.
its so difficult for me to remember that the world is not at all how i imagine it. i feel like i relearn that fact every day.
i guess it is sort of as if the world is in slow motion, but you arent normal speed either. youre stuck moving slow like the rest of the world. though you dont really feel stuck, because even your mind is running slow. you just feel observant of the speed of the universe.
this is pretty awesome.
soggy is a weird word.
foggy and soak are kind of neat.
i feel like ive just discovered words or something. as if they are as beautiful as anything else in the world. is there a condition in which one is easily swooned? i would definitely suffer chronically.
what separates me from most is my ability to articulate when describing my strange behavior.
when considering people who believe morals are derived from religion, or that religion has done good in the world, or that humans are inherently evil or bad, one very prevalent fact glares at me. there are many many social creatures in nature, they have no knowledge of the bible or spiritual beliefs, and yet they behave well. they do not just 'do wrong when they know they can get away with it'. they behave because it is natural to do so. because that is the most stable rule. i world in which 'evil' behavior is natural and encouraged would destroy itself, wouldnt it? everyone loves to say how terrible the current state of the world is. but its still here. things arent really that much different than in the past. and yet, they are completely different.
how 'thick' is a photon? seems 'zero' is a suitable answer, since they are transverse waves. or maybe they have to do with time? is there a length of time required for a photon to be absorbed?
im thinking of cutting my hair.
but also thinking of not cutting my hair.
its a dilemma i reckon.
i suppose i enjoy discussing physics and mathematics the way my friends all enjoy movies or skiing or going to concerts or bowling, needlepoint, uh... bike riding, surfing, computer programming. hmm, sky diving... drugs, logical puzzles... girls... politics... cooking. dancing. child care. writing. drawing. painting. singing. playing musical instruments. astronomy.
i just dont know how to show it.
3/29/2008
3/25/2008
dishwashing liquid
3·22·08
PULCHRITUDE
http://vintagepulchritude.blogspot.com/
http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/
http://www.warninglabelgenerator.com/
http://komplexify.com/blog/2007/10/10/fuzzy-logic/
its the symmetry of the situation.
some kind of wonderful
the whole universe, one fundamental particle? alright, enough of that crap.
and thats when it got scary
can we discuss the entropy of a single atom? is a two proton atom some discrete amount more entropic than a hydrogen atom?
meant to leave
left to mean
one rule to being a good person is never allowing yourself to sink to 'bad peoples' level. you cannot allow yourself to say, 'this is how they work, and we have to play that way as well.' granted, im not a big fan of the idea that some people are bad. i can justify just about anything you could ever ask of me.
torture makes no sense at all. assume the human is actually a terrorist, with special knowledge. why are you going to trust what they say? if theyre willing to die for their cause, you really think torture is necessarily going to reveal the truth? why not send us in the wrong direction, if they can convince us of it. and what if youre wrong? what if this human is not a terrorist? then youre doing the most evil thing possible.
i psyche myself out about the cold so much that it becomes unrealistic for me to leave the house. which feels strange. great, and then it turned out to be pretty warm out. and i forgot it was easter so there was no way in hell any grocery stores would be open.
torture should almost be defined as any reasonably popularly agreed upon environment/treatment/situation for which constant/inescapable discomfort and or stress is generated (invoked? no... implied? intrinsic? theres a word that means discomfort is grown, or generated). so for instance, most people would agree that typical prison conditions are a fair punishment for many of the crimes with prison time sentences. and most people would agree that... i dont feel like finishing this thought.
we've come so far. "Ussher's specific choice of starting year may have been influenced by the then-widely-held belief that the Earth's potential duration was 6,000 years (4,000 before the birth of Christ and 2,000 after), corresponding to the six days of Creation, on the grounds that "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day" (2 Peter 3:8). This view had been almost completely abandoned by 1997, six thousand years after 4004 BC."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHQ7Prwh7Gc
its the responsible thing to do.
so the real question is, how much torture can 'the greatest nation on earth' tolerate before it no longer feels comfortable claiming it is 'the greatest nation on earth'?
youre obviously confused and aroused.
rarely do things come naturally. usually only after intense consideration can i even attempt them.
got to get to the top
to topple the tip
3·25·08
i frequently have these moments in which the world around me just seems extraordinary. as if i am in the front row of some grand symphony.
i should try exploring the properties of alternate base systems.
also i should try plotting the resulting difference in combination as a 'phase', perhaps by shifting the point off it original position by a unit amount at some angle corresponding to the resulting order of partitions.
ha ha, john yoo says that september eleventh sounded more like war than crime. and i agree. but in the end, neither war nor crime are excuses for torture. these ideas reflect the belief that there are certain acts which good humans should not do under any circumstances. oh yeah, and hey, FUCK YOU john yoo.
this afternoon, shortly before walking through the front doorway of my building, i saw a beautiful girl. and i fell in love in about two seconds. it really sucks it does. what the hell do i do? she had a guy with her. best i just forget the whole thing.
actually, a few hours later i was washing some dishes in the sink and noticed that the dish soap reads, "dishwashing liquid" and i dont know why but that phrase is just beautiful. i fell in love with a silly product description. thats just messed up.
morally isolated.
a lot of the pressure.
oh my god i am going in sane. this has to be sanity. i have to have lost it. please help, i cannot be alone any longer. it will kill me.
i need to learn to stop assuming that people know i love them.
your eyelashes tickled my neck.
take the bait.
just make sure you give all we can take.
"If supersymmetry is realized in nature, there will be corrections to g-2 of the muon due to loop diagrams involving the new particles. Amongst the leading corrections are those depicted here: a neutralino and a smuon loop , and a chargino and a muon sneutrino loop. This represents an example of "beyond the Standard-Model" physics that might contribute to g-2."
okay, at this point even i am starting to think that the physicists are just making shit up.
oh wow i really love Mirah. i forgot how much i love her. i am totally willing to admit obsession here.
cumbersome as it may be.
all this chemical imbalance bullshit... how do we know what correct chemical balance is? how do we know that the imbalance is inherent to the person, and not the result of an external influence such as lifestyle? our lifestyles are so radically different than most of our species history; everything, absolutely everything we do and interact with, is different.
everything you know is potentially wrong. do not forget this for even a moment. but dont let it get to you, most of it probably will be mostly fine, its been throughly checked.
individuals broken
youve murdered my thinking.
PULCHRITUDE
http://vintagepulchritude.blogspot.com/
http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/
http://www.warninglabelgenerator.com/
http://komplexify.com/blog/2007/10/10/fuzzy-logic/
its the symmetry of the situation.
some kind of wonderful
the whole universe, one fundamental particle? alright, enough of that crap.
and thats when it got scary
can we discuss the entropy of a single atom? is a two proton atom some discrete amount more entropic than a hydrogen atom?
meant to leave
left to mean
one rule to being a good person is never allowing yourself to sink to 'bad peoples' level. you cannot allow yourself to say, 'this is how they work, and we have to play that way as well.' granted, im not a big fan of the idea that some people are bad. i can justify just about anything you could ever ask of me.
torture makes no sense at all. assume the human is actually a terrorist, with special knowledge. why are you going to trust what they say? if theyre willing to die for their cause, you really think torture is necessarily going to reveal the truth? why not send us in the wrong direction, if they can convince us of it. and what if youre wrong? what if this human is not a terrorist? then youre doing the most evil thing possible.
i psyche myself out about the cold so much that it becomes unrealistic for me to leave the house. which feels strange. great, and then it turned out to be pretty warm out. and i forgot it was easter so there was no way in hell any grocery stores would be open.
torture should almost be defined as any reasonably popularly agreed upon environment/treatment/situation for which constant/inescapable discomfort and or stress is generated (invoked? no... implied? intrinsic? theres a word that means discomfort is grown, or generated). so for instance, most people would agree that typical prison conditions are a fair punishment for many of the crimes with prison time sentences. and most people would agree that... i dont feel like finishing this thought.
we've come so far. "Ussher's specific choice of starting year may have been influenced by the then-widely-held belief that the Earth's potential duration was 6,000 years (4,000 before the birth of Christ and 2,000 after), corresponding to the six days of Creation, on the grounds that "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day" (2 Peter 3:8). This view had been almost completely abandoned by 1997, six thousand years after 4004 BC."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHQ7Prwh7Gc
its the responsible thing to do.
so the real question is, how much torture can 'the greatest nation on earth' tolerate before it no longer feels comfortable claiming it is 'the greatest nation on earth'?
youre obviously confused and aroused.
rarely do things come naturally. usually only after intense consideration can i even attempt them.
got to get to the top
to topple the tip
3·25·08
i frequently have these moments in which the world around me just seems extraordinary. as if i am in the front row of some grand symphony.
i should try exploring the properties of alternate base systems.
also i should try plotting the resulting difference in combination as a 'phase', perhaps by shifting the point off it original position by a unit amount at some angle corresponding to the resulting order of partitions.
ha ha, john yoo says that september eleventh sounded more like war than crime. and i agree. but in the end, neither war nor crime are excuses for torture. these ideas reflect the belief that there are certain acts which good humans should not do under any circumstances. oh yeah, and hey, FUCK YOU john yoo.
this afternoon, shortly before walking through the front doorway of my building, i saw a beautiful girl. and i fell in love in about two seconds. it really sucks it does. what the hell do i do? she had a guy with her. best i just forget the whole thing.
actually, a few hours later i was washing some dishes in the sink and noticed that the dish soap reads, "dishwashing liquid" and i dont know why but that phrase is just beautiful. i fell in love with a silly product description. thats just messed up.
morally isolated.
a lot of the pressure.
oh my god i am going in sane. this has to be sanity. i have to have lost it. please help, i cannot be alone any longer. it will kill me.
i need to learn to stop assuming that people know i love them.
your eyelashes tickled my neck.
take the bait.
just make sure you give all we can take.
"If supersymmetry is realized in nature, there will be corrections to g-2 of the muon due to loop diagrams involving the new particles. Amongst the leading corrections are those depicted here: a neutralino and a smuon loop , and a chargino and a muon sneutrino loop. This represents an example of "beyond the Standard-Model" physics that might contribute to g-2."
okay, at this point even i am starting to think that the physicists are just making shit up.
oh wow i really love Mirah. i forgot how much i love her. i am totally willing to admit obsession here.
cumbersome as it may be.
all this chemical imbalance bullshit... how do we know what correct chemical balance is? how do we know that the imbalance is inherent to the person, and not the result of an external influence such as lifestyle? our lifestyles are so radically different than most of our species history; everything, absolutely everything we do and interact with, is different.
everything you know is potentially wrong. do not forget this for even a moment. but dont let it get to you, most of it probably will be mostly fine, its been throughly checked.
individuals broken
youve murdered my thinking.
3/21/2008
my complement
heh heh... god made me an atheist. do you question his wisdom?!
oooo
computational geometry
weierstrass function
photon polarization
circular polarization
CMBR
hard drive study. that didnt help me at all really.
EM wave equation
driveright?
SID
sensory defensiveness
kind of just neat.
we should start a weekly evil conspiracy and needlepoint group.
lets start with ridiculous and work our way backwards.
why am I hanging around in the rain out here
a subtle encouragement.
3·17·08
"its a great way to become popular
if you want to be popular with law enforcement"
heres a question, would you eat at a restaurant that was founded by the KKK? what if it was really popular, like mcdonalds, the olive garden, or whatever your favorite restaurant (fast food or otherwise) is. maybe i have a flawed sense of morality, or maybe this is flawed logic, but it seems to me that organizations with a long history of immoral, unacceptable, downright EVIL behavior, ought to be destroyed. the catholic church is my target here, as they have history of destructive, poisonous behavior that long predates the industrial revolution, and any other corporation. their crimes against humanity long predate the establishment of america, and worse yet, they continue to this day!
i know we constantly question the comprehensibility of the universe, repeating to ourselves that in all likelihood there are things that we simply cannot comprehend. are we justified in assuming this? could we be justified in assuming the complement?
so when you come down from your death defying labors, ill still be in love with you.
with respect to the anthropic principle, yes, of course the universe must exist in such a way as to support life. but in this sense, must is only a result of us talking about it! duh! but okay, we do not know why the universe has the 'settings' that it has. nor do we know the likelihood of it having different settings. nor do we know the likelihood that different settings would or would not lead to life! therefore we have very little idea of how rare or not rare life actually is. sort of like trying to get a monkey to understand what what the likelihood of a catastrophic failure occurring during typical unmanned rocket launching. the monkey just wont know enough to understand it.
also, some people tend to argue that there must be some mystical element in the universe to explain consciousness, life itself, or spiritual sensations. but why! very few people will ever understand even the simplest phenomena, let alone seriously complexity. how many people really understand why a top stays up? or a bicycle? how many people out there even know what the n-body problem is? the uncertainty principle, and more so the mathematics behind it, ensure that nothing (no one) can possibly know everything, or practically anything really. but claiming that there is a deity of some sort implies that there exists such a being! also, it implies that you know there exists such a being!
okay, i think now im out of control.
how many of us can really understand what makes an insurmountable obstacle? can any of us? can we even be sure there are such things? yes. but its difficult. we can prove there are insurmountable obstacles when trying to find whole number (integer) values of x, y and z that satisfy x^n + y^n = z^n for any n greater than or equal to three. along with many, many other mathematical truths, that often seem trivial in the light of reality.
what is wrong with us all! we made all of this up! every bit of it! there is not a single idea, concept, object, whatever, noun... that humans did not conjure up themselves! and no, i dont mean that without humans thered be no universe or stuff in it, like rocks and cats and mathematics. no i mean that without humans words like god wouldnt exist.
insurmountable obstacles.
osculating curves (mathematical porn)
unfortunately for us, i dont know how not to be me.
she passes through you like a knife
oh take me with you
you silver rider
sometimes your voice is not enough.
3·18·08
subtly private
sometimes my passion shows through
which is the reason girls like me i think.
3·19·08
wikipedia articles to re-look up:
quantum harmonic oscillator
riemann hypothesis
spherical harmonics
black body
ha ha ha
odd
MC++
annihilation operators. good band name?
which would you rather have?
a jealous but expressive guy
or a passive and free-spirited guy who has trouble expressing himself
okay, wait, thats not really what i mean.
hey, what just happened?
youll have to keep me human
everything glowing.
strange at it may seem.
but that doesnt help; it doesnt help.
3·21·08
when i do move out of my apartment, i should take all my bottles, write messages and throw them in the ocean.
every day feels like the first one.
Dan told me about HB 1623, a bill to decriminalize marijuana, establishing a limited fine maximum of 200 rather than up to 2000 and two (?) years in prison. it passed in the new hampshire congress, i made this chart to show the voting proportions, and reiterate the age old question, why would any drug user be republican?
i also wrote to governor Lynch here, (by way of the email the governor link), urging him to pass the bill. my slightly awkward due to the 800 character limited message was as follows:
I have been told that you, Governor Lynch, will veto HB 1623, regarding the penalty for possession of marijuana. I strongly encourage you to pass this bill. You may have heard, more than 1% of American adults are now incarcerated, and NH has experienced the second largest growth in prisoner population in 2007, at 6.6%. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/us/28cnd-prison.html?_r=1&oref=login). Given the economic burden this creates, the lives it destroys, the relative harmlessness of the act, as well as the shear hypocrisy of parading about, cheering 'freedom', while criminalizing the possession of even a small amount of this natural substance, is downright absurd. Please come to your senses and see that this is the right decision to make. A historical first step in the right direction.
the other night i saw lars and the real girl, and i really liked it very much. half way through the movie i felt as if i had fallen in love with each of the girls surrounding the main character, including a married pregnant woman, and a very lonely old doctor. then i began to realize that i just sort of loved all the characters, and eventually i came to the conclusion that it is because all of the characters were just very very nice people. as nice as can be i would say probably. thats probably why so many people tend to like me too. though maybe ive become less nice than i used to be, over the last few years. i dont know, it is hard to say.
i think for most of my life, i have been so nice to people, they feel obligated to be nice back. and on the rare instance that someone was mean, and i felt hurt, it was very short lived, often ending when someone else around me stuck up and resolved it. maybe my life just sort of fed the process more and more until it became very difficult for me to be mean, or even understand why anyone is mean? i suppose i still am from time to time though. maybe just as much as anyone. i dont see others being mean that often.
the characters were just all sweet people though.
makes me think of the silver mt zion lyrics, "please, believe, gentle dreams, the sweetness of people, whistling in their sleep". if i remember that right.
feed the process.
also, girls like passion. thats why they like me. i suppose everyone likes passion. if you really want to capture someones heart, reveal your passions to them. im pretty passionate about a lot of relatively impersonal things, so it shows through a lot i suppose.
and you were standing here beside me.
its okay. if i were human, id be desperate too.
theyre not real, so theyll last for ever. isnt that neat?
this is how the world ends.
taxi to the dark side; you almost dont want to believe it. preferring to think rather that it just cannot be true.
why do i stare at everyone with the same generic look of contempt?
my complement.
oooo
computational geometry
weierstrass function
photon polarization
circular polarization
CMBR
hard drive study. that didnt help me at all really.
EM wave equation
driveright?
SID
sensory defensiveness
kind of just neat.
we should start a weekly evil conspiracy and needlepoint group.
lets start with ridiculous and work our way backwards.
why am I hanging around in the rain out here
a subtle encouragement.
3·17·08
"its a great way to become popular
if you want to be popular with law enforcement"
heres a question, would you eat at a restaurant that was founded by the KKK? what if it was really popular, like mcdonalds, the olive garden, or whatever your favorite restaurant (fast food or otherwise) is. maybe i have a flawed sense of morality, or maybe this is flawed logic, but it seems to me that organizations with a long history of immoral, unacceptable, downright EVIL behavior, ought to be destroyed. the catholic church is my target here, as they have history of destructive, poisonous behavior that long predates the industrial revolution, and any other corporation. their crimes against humanity long predate the establishment of america, and worse yet, they continue to this day!
i know we constantly question the comprehensibility of the universe, repeating to ourselves that in all likelihood there are things that we simply cannot comprehend. are we justified in assuming this? could we be justified in assuming the complement?
so when you come down from your death defying labors, ill still be in love with you.
with respect to the anthropic principle, yes, of course the universe must exist in such a way as to support life. but in this sense, must is only a result of us talking about it! duh! but okay, we do not know why the universe has the 'settings' that it has. nor do we know the likelihood of it having different settings. nor do we know the likelihood that different settings would or would not lead to life! therefore we have very little idea of how rare or not rare life actually is. sort of like trying to get a monkey to understand what what the likelihood of a catastrophic failure occurring during typical unmanned rocket launching. the monkey just wont know enough to understand it.
also, some people tend to argue that there must be some mystical element in the universe to explain consciousness, life itself, or spiritual sensations. but why! very few people will ever understand even the simplest phenomena, let alone seriously complexity. how many people really understand why a top stays up? or a bicycle? how many people out there even know what the n-body problem is? the uncertainty principle, and more so the mathematics behind it, ensure that nothing (no one) can possibly know everything, or practically anything really. but claiming that there is a deity of some sort implies that there exists such a being! also, it implies that you know there exists such a being!
okay, i think now im out of control.
how many of us can really understand what makes an insurmountable obstacle? can any of us? can we even be sure there are such things? yes. but its difficult. we can prove there are insurmountable obstacles when trying to find whole number (integer) values of x, y and z that satisfy x^n + y^n = z^n for any n greater than or equal to three. along with many, many other mathematical truths, that often seem trivial in the light of reality.
what is wrong with us all! we made all of this up! every bit of it! there is not a single idea, concept, object, whatever, noun... that humans did not conjure up themselves! and no, i dont mean that without humans thered be no universe or stuff in it, like rocks and cats and mathematics. no i mean that without humans words like god wouldnt exist.
insurmountable obstacles.
osculating curves (mathematical porn)
unfortunately for us, i dont know how not to be me.
she passes through you like a knife
oh take me with you
you silver rider
sometimes your voice is not enough.
3·18·08
subtly private
sometimes my passion shows through
which is the reason girls like me i think.
3·19·08
wikipedia articles to re-look up:
quantum harmonic oscillator
riemann hypothesis
spherical harmonics
black body
ha ha ha
odd
MC++
annihilation operators. good band name?
which would you rather have?
a jealous but expressive guy
or a passive and free-spirited guy who has trouble expressing himself
okay, wait, thats not really what i mean.
hey, what just happened?
youll have to keep me human
everything glowing.
strange at it may seem.
but that doesnt help; it doesnt help.
3·21·08
when i do move out of my apartment, i should take all my bottles, write messages and throw them in the ocean.
every day feels like the first one.
Dan told me about HB 1623, a bill to decriminalize marijuana, establishing a limited fine maximum of 200 rather than up to 2000 and two (?) years in prison. it passed in the new hampshire congress, i made this chart to show the voting proportions, and reiterate the age old question, why would any drug user be republican?
i also wrote to governor Lynch here, (by way of the email the governor link), urging him to pass the bill. my slightly awkward due to the 800 character limited message was as follows:
I have been told that you, Governor Lynch, will veto HB 1623, regarding the penalty for possession of marijuana. I strongly encourage you to pass this bill. You may have heard, more than 1% of American adults are now incarcerated, and NH has experienced the second largest growth in prisoner population in 2007, at 6.6%. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/us/28cnd-prison.html?_r=1&oref=login). Given the economic burden this creates, the lives it destroys, the relative harmlessness of the act, as well as the shear hypocrisy of parading about, cheering 'freedom', while criminalizing the possession of even a small amount of this natural substance, is downright absurd. Please come to your senses and see that this is the right decision to make. A historical first step in the right direction.
the other night i saw lars and the real girl, and i really liked it very much. half way through the movie i felt as if i had fallen in love with each of the girls surrounding the main character, including a married pregnant woman, and a very lonely old doctor. then i began to realize that i just sort of loved all the characters, and eventually i came to the conclusion that it is because all of the characters were just very very nice people. as nice as can be i would say probably. thats probably why so many people tend to like me too. though maybe ive become less nice than i used to be, over the last few years. i dont know, it is hard to say.
i think for most of my life, i have been so nice to people, they feel obligated to be nice back. and on the rare instance that someone was mean, and i felt hurt, it was very short lived, often ending when someone else around me stuck up and resolved it. maybe my life just sort of fed the process more and more until it became very difficult for me to be mean, or even understand why anyone is mean? i suppose i still am from time to time though. maybe just as much as anyone. i dont see others being mean that often.
the characters were just all sweet people though.
makes me think of the silver mt zion lyrics, "please, believe, gentle dreams, the sweetness of people, whistling in their sleep". if i remember that right.
feed the process.
also, girls like passion. thats why they like me. i suppose everyone likes passion. if you really want to capture someones heart, reveal your passions to them. im pretty passionate about a lot of relatively impersonal things, so it shows through a lot i suppose.
and you were standing here beside me.
its okay. if i were human, id be desperate too.
theyre not real, so theyll last for ever. isnt that neat?
this is how the world ends.
taxi to the dark side; you almost dont want to believe it. preferring to think rather that it just cannot be true.
why do i stare at everyone with the same generic look of contempt?
my complement.
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