hold my peace

acceptable losses. spared the horror of survival. i never got around to it okay! there wouldnt be any time to be sorry.
go watch wargames, i really liked it.

im so sorry that i let you forget how special you are to me.

so i asked him his advice, and he responded, "geniusness"

stefan said, "thanks for calling"
is that a work habit stefan?

i took this test and my candidate came up as Mike Gravel, who, it turns out, fits me pretty well. and not just on political views, he has my sort of style about him too i think; he has been campaigning longer than anyone else, entirely in new hampshire, and i had only heard of him a few weeks ago! (awesome). he has, "zero net worth" he says. i agree that consumerism is out of control, but i dont think it will resolve itself by giving more money to people (though im not against giving more money to the lower and middle). i believe the rampant consumerism in america is not government driven, it is self perpetuated. people outspend their means because they lose sight of what they enjoy, or because they succumb to clever advertising, or because they are competing, or they misattribute their happiness to things instead of people, places, ideas and activities. the people making the ads dont tend to understand what they are doing anymore than the people falling for them. though i guess a lot more people just have the problem of not being able to quite make ends meet. that is absolutely terrible. we ought to be better than this.
suddenly i feel as if i could convincingly explain nearly any human action from good and evil standpoints. why do i always assume the good ones? i dont even like humans! i dont even believe in good or evil!

the notes i carry in my pocket, the ones with all the ideas and feelings i cant remember to express when ______. theyve become too numerous to tag along. the paper has worn through and soft as felt. some of the ink has faded and bled, along with the information it recorded.

i love when my jaw shudders when shivering

is exodus from misery equivalent to pursuit of happiness? i dont think so. though i havent been able to concentrate on it.

didnt you ever figure me out? i keep thinking about, "these shoes fit his personality perfectly."

complacency is the reason i must quit. maybe that factors into other people too?

shock the conscious
not yet dreamed of

oh, this one was good:
its not as simple as 'be yourself' because we all have dynamic personalities, adjusting for our surroundings. swears and parents are a good example, if, like me you grew up being told not to swear, but saw no fucking harm in it whatsoever.

idee fix

back when i used to be clever i made up the word 'polyseminal' as a mixture of the words polysemy and seminal, which is in fact polysemic itself.
i guess i dont want to share the personal one. sorry.
how funny would it be to see a guy carrying groceries mug someone.
i might be mad, but only because it seems to be what is demanded of me.
am i wearing safety glasses?

im tired of dating, lets elope.

this was a note a left to myself: you should buy 'happy you near', so the first instance of the word 'you' references me.

evolutionary benefit?
maybe if i wrote a paper on my views of consciousness, and suggested experiments, someone might listen?

"quick! everyone! out of the universe!"

all of my heros are dead.

i think being this alone is making me crazy again. that weird kind of crazy where you cant tell that what you are thinking and doing is just completely insane.

im downloading planet earth.

steven weinberg said, "The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy." though it took me a few reads to find it real funny.

might already be a winner

Mike Meyers said his dad told him that nothing is ever so bad that it cannot be laughed at.

i guess if i impare my brain enough then there is no way to be confident that i can remain sane.

it feels like something to be human.
'tis death to counterfeiters
hostile takeovers
it starts when we decide.

okay, i know we all are familiar with moore's law, but has anyone looked at the way that total terrestrial computing power has grown? and how about computing power per cubic meter of space? this would include only the space taken up by computers, actually, didnt moore make a statement about processor size too? maybe not.

ohh, and heres an interesting dilemma: your brain is a device which can comprehend the physical workings of emotions. to some degree, our brains can also influence those emotions. now, should the emotions really be able to influence our brains since our brains are aware of it? in fact, how is it that we can feel emotions so strongly when we are so aware of their superficiality? and their causal origins?

Jack Burton: Would you just stop rubbing your body up against mine, because I can't concentrate when you do that.

do you really enjoy knitting? my grandmother does. oh wait, no, she enjoys sewing. still though.

Egg Shen: It will come out no more!
Jack Burton: What? HUH? What will come out no more?
Egg Shen: ...
Jack Burton: Dammit!

how can one be sure that one has ones sanity?
i imagine a first indicator may be to observe whether those around you believe you to be sane or not, though it is unfortunate to judge something so important by consensus, (since consensus has no clear relation to truth).
this raises other interesting questions: what is sanity? is it dependent on the consensus? should we really value so much, concepts that are reliant on popular consensus? what is the relationship between consensus and truth?
is there any method we could use to ensure that our memory has not failed us?

self fullfilling prophecy = bane of my existence.

the first rule in science is you are not supposed to fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.

with respect to animals and language, i was thinking, it wouldnt be surprising if they were very heavily dependent on body language. right now my parents have a dog, loafer, who is a few years old, probably three or four, and he kind of acts like an old curmudgeon. they also have a puppy, four weeks old or something, very young.

dr zoidberg — a medical corporation

i guess what i enjoy is the way people discuss ideas, to try and understand the world. its interesting, it seems to me that if we all discussed our views extensively enough, we would eventually reach consensus; what is odd is that why would i want consensus? im perfectly okay with us all being different. it is beneficial in my view. i dont know what im talking about at all.

i want a world that lacks unnecessary secrets. i hate how people fight against things they do.

everyones a star

so the fundamental things i want to study are these:
time, space, energy, and information. and how these 'four' quantities interact. i put four in quotes because i believe these are all aspects of the same thing; time and space are intimately connected, and neither one really makes sense without the other. Seth Lloyd apparently says energy and information are ultimately the same thing, and i suspect that matter (which is energy) is just a form of spacetime. though i should shut up, since i have no real reason to believe this other than it wold really make the most sense.

i guess i have grown up, moved away. thats weird. i dont recall ever expecting to do that. i remember being a kid, and i knowing how thats what people did, was grow up and move away. but i dont recall ever thinking about doing that myself. now i have.

moral judgement versus moral behavior? there is a dichotomy of how one should act to preserve ones existence as an individual versus as a member of a social group. as a member of a social group ones survival is reliant on others.

at what point does one become rich or poor? at what point do a few grains of sand become a pile? at what point does the amount of mold make bread inedible? at what point does the shadow go from sharp to fuzzy?

that time, a long time ago, when i fainted a few times in a row, it was scary because it would happen without any indication or memory of it. i would simply wake up and learn that i had fainted again.

i just remembered being a little kid, and seeing parts of a movie that scared me, and asking my parents to 'tell me when its over'. i guess the same thing happened a while back when we played some movies that ryan and kristin and maybe someone else didnt want to watch? like meet the feebles or dead alive.

must study (or more so, understand): lagrangian mechanics, hamiltonian, hermitian


when i encounter something highly emotional (on tv really) like this story my parents are watching right now, about some kids who lost their father in a car accident, and then their mother in a jealous boyfriend incident, i have to kind of look away and tune it out, otherwise it really gets to me. it seems cold, or cruel, or something inhuman, out of touch.

they said on tv (it was a non expert, whatever that might mean), who said, sense of belonging was a basic human need. im not sure i have that, though maybe i do?

as with most questions, the answer is probably a mixture of the obvious proposed answers.

i want you to know how important you are to me.

this reminds me that i have never witnessed anything horrible.

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