your turning number?

technology enables even the inhabitants of desert islands to become socialites, while id rather be a hermit living in the center of a city.

thats a bit off track, what i mean is, its been a long time since ive put anything here. a lot has happened since i put anything here. and its all happened faster than ive realized. im not sure if i could speak outloud right now.

october first
this is the worst thing
you know, because of the lack of simultaneity, there is no such thing as 'the' present time, only 'your' present time. and i suppose that is one more flaw in the concepts of past and future too, since we tend to think of them as previous and inevitable (respectfully) states of the present.
"Her voice makes me think of her mouth makes me think of her breath makes me think of her breasts."

unplugged sleep

it seems to me that we may value truth above all else. since it is only through truth that we can take value in anything else.
nevermind, i disagree with that now.

what if gravity has yank, and acceleration is not constant?
thatd be difficult, it certainly seems to be a constant. itd have to be really quick to have yank.

is there any derivative we could take an infinite number of times that would approximate f=ma?

ive noticed that i start off a lot of explanations of information with a story about how i arrived at the information. and now im thinking that serves as a mnemonic tool for myself, but also probably serves as a mnemonic tool for whoever i am talking to. ill bet this makes me rather unique too, as it has grown out of a desire, (or more an understood necessity) to document my knowledge, so as to record my sources. also, reading about Zell Kravinsky makes me think there is such a thing as complete selflessness, it is born out of a very strong objectivity to matters like

im not full of candy.


so, im this guy, standing on this planet.
...i mean im a speck living on a speck, orbiting a speck. in the middle of specklessness.
but then i think, i have this brain...


punishment?
-alphabet backwards.
zyxwvut srqponmlk jihgfedcba


it seems that many of our problems stem from the difficulties we often encounter when trying to mesh the continuous with the discrete.

not anyone knows at least anything about everything.
not anyone knows at least something about everything.

holy shit, i think i love bob ross.
someone ought to make a movie about him. either funny or real. either one would be cool.

we should have a jello stacking contest.
or better yet, a jello engineering contest.


suddenly, all three of these statements seem to go together:

wait, we can hide you! we'll pile fruit on you and call you a bowl.
i think i might be slightly schizophrenic.
awareness of my final descent into crazy was first revealed when i began to experience emotional feelings of affection for Bob Ross.

"and beautiful things will happen, auuuttomatically."
"maybe theres a big tree in our world"

-Bob Ross

have you ever taken off one shoe and sock without touching the shoe and sock on the other foot? its not all that bizarre, but i just did it probably for the first time ever.

im learning to hate people.
i dont need anyone to depend on me.
i dont need anyone to depend on.
everything is just a phrase to me.
first, abandon this idea of 'normal', it is only an ideal.

"because i think we all experience moments of despair."

are you wearing a poker face? am i wearing a poker face?

"I found your contact particulars"

"The day I made that statement, I was tired because I had been up all night inventing the Camcorder."
-Al Gore, Joking about reports that he had claimed to have invented the internet

i feel like i am too smart to get hurt. as if i am too smart to get in any awkwardness with work, or bosses, or anything really.
except then why does that still have that power over me?
"you people and your slight differences disgust me!"
i wonder, what exactly was the point of the conversation you were about to get into?
the turning number is the number of smiles minus the number of frowns.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?!

did we miss the sunset?
i just found a bag of vintage, expires on may 5th, 06, jet-puffed marshmellows! what a way to start the day!
"in my head that sounded, not funnier, but... less annoying."

have you ever noticed that my language is a bit specific and abnormal sometimes?

or on the lighter side of okay.
the fitness test is just a hyperlink test! articles are the conceptual representation of things, and hyperlinks are their relations to other things.

As much as people pretend 'I fit in, I understand, I get the rules,' there are always times spent away from that where you go, 'I thought I knew. It seemed so clear to me, and then...' That sense of loneliness, or the sense of not fitting in or being out of depth, is probably the most common denominator.
-David Fincher

11·3·07 -- so yeah, i guess i can go nuts now and then too.

much like entropy, my room, our relationship, my longer term goals, tend towards disorder.

but it was so real, where did it come from?
my mind could never imagine such terrible things...
i cant sleep. im afraid the dream will come back.

learned helplessness

A seminal experiment by Martin Seligman and Steve Maier was done in two parts. In part one, there were three groups of dogs in harnesses. The Group One dogs were simply put in the harnesses for a period of time and later released. Groups two and three consisted of "yoked pairs." A dog in Group 2 would be given electric shocks, which the dog could end by pressing a lever. A Group 3 dog was wired in parallel with a Group 2 dog, receiving shocks of identical intensity and duration, but his lever didn't do anything. To a dog in Group 3, it seemed that the shock ended at random, because it was his paired dog in Group 2 that was causing it to stop. For Group 3 dogs the shock was apparently "inescapable." The Group 1 and Group 2 dogs quickly recovered from the experience, but the Group 3 dogs learned to be helpless, and exhibited symptoms similar to chronic clinical depression.

fundamental attribution error and actor-observer bias.

does this seem likely to explain my hesitance to act over such things as girls and work? though i would not say i was clinically depressed, ever in my lifetime.

i hear candidates talking about how they cannot take nuclear options off the table, and you cannot be seen as weak. how about compassionate? do we expect other countries to trust us when we are broadcasting our leaders as willing to commit mass murder (remember after all, their discussion of nuclear options means Weapsons of Mass Destruction options; nuclear weapons are unlikely to NOT have significant casualties, and their use, or even the assertion that they may be used (preemptively), implies murder and terror on a massive scale), and a COMPLETE lack of humanity.

if you were just a floating entity, through space, without any hope for death, what would consume your thoughts? would you go mad? how long would it last?

ive done everything wrong.
"wrinkled finger" is an entertaining phrase at the moment.

the spies among us.

far, far away,
where the sun goes to sleep.

"put a penny in the slot and count the swans through a telescope, i cant help from crying; i wish you were mine"
Fionn Regan has grown on me.

i guess you are afraid of
what everyone is made of

your skin is so fair
your skin so fair its not fair
you remind me

let us hope this works

how often is it that people actually know what bothers them?

11·18·07
there is something sad about just letting go of this.