the why doesnt mean a thing.

give away to your worst impulse. ---my worst impulse? i cant even think of anything? there really arent many impulses i ever have, that i dont already give into.

heart it races

i was thinking about how people go, "i cant do thats not like me/you at all" or "this is so unlike me/you to do that"; when considering what 'you are', one should keep in mind that 'you' is changing in time at every moment: the atoms vibrate, the electrons surge, the cells decay and replicate, each with incomprehensible complexity. what most people think of as 'themselves' is nothing more than a collection of approximate snapshots of past events. behavior is not a solid, rather it should be acknowledged and even encouraged to become a fluid. furthermore, evolution is development, and should be held highly with regards to the mind; the static case should be criminalized.

does anyone get that last sentence?

new Bertrand Russell quotes:
"This idea of weapons of mass extermination is utterly horrible and is something which no one with one spark of humanity can tolerate. I will not pretend to obey a government which is organising a mass massacre of mankind.

The secret of happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible, horrible, horrible.

The only thing that will redeem mankind is co-operation.

If a Black Death could spread throughout the world once in every generation, survivors could procreate freely without making the world too full. ... The state of affairs might be somewhat unpleasant, but what of it? Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's."

what does that mean? "Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's."

i was thinking about the difference between continuous and finite, and i thought, could we apply that to fractals? or maybe a good analogy might be that fractals are the continuous version of nested structures (which are constructed in discrete steps). comprehension of these concepts seems very important.

the skill of my science came at the cost of my social ineptness.

"faith is the antihesis of proof."
"my two favorite things are commitment, and changing myself."
"the problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars away to the less fortunate.
---the less fortunate get all the breaks!"

theyve never felt this good before.
theyve never been at peace,
inside.

alright, well, crazy it is then.

my biggest fear is that ill stay the same.

such a mess
such a mess
his is even worse
this whole world is such a mess.

denied; ive seen you: soul, consciousness.

the quote was, "So long as there is death there will be sorrow, and so long as there is sorrow it can be no part of the duty of human beings to increase its amount, in spite of the fact that a few rare spirits know how to transmute it."
and it was Russell.

i used to see a dichotomy between teaching science and conveying the idea that all of science is tentative.
now i see finally can clarify a similar problem in love: in order to be intelligent and correct in love-related decisions, you must think. but thinking runs contrary to the experience of love. if you are thinking, you are probably not loving. and vice versa. and thats okay: its an emotion, if you thought your way into and through it, it wouldnt be the same.

i think i want a girl who will work hard to convince me that i am not special. my whole life, just about everyone has made me feel special. and i dont want to be special. ive been told by a large number of people that im smart, which i hate; i guess a large part of it is that categorizing intelligence seems too similar to racism, sexism, nationalism, patriotism, which are all assumptions of superiority/inferiority relationships between two (usually) very similar competitors.

if people really think im so much smarter than them, then why do the majority not submit to my claim that they are not? unless of course they believe their own intelligence to be superior to even mine.

"though id rather see any other horror"
"stay outta trouble. it ain't worth it." -Jeff

why can we pay for war, but not health?

dont lose sight of what you want, especially if its apt to change. wait, that thought there. where did that come from?

i am an atheist, and antitheist. if that bothers you, feel free to express why; i ask that you try to be as clear and concise as possible, and to present your disagreements in a logical manner. i will try to respond in as precisely as possible a manner.

im gonna put a crap load of boxes in my car, each with many other boxes nested inside one another. in the smallest box will be one labeled 'drugs', and i wont have a key for it. the rest of the boxes will be locked, with various keys all on one chain, unlabeled.

fiasco.

when i vandalize psychics, im going to make sure i make it very well known first. ill notify my friends, i might even try to publish it publicly somewhere; ill even consult an attorney first. then the psychics i target will all be ones with outrageous claims of ability for important issues. that way, i can argue that their inability to stop me is evidence of the fraudulence of their claims. maybe ill even tell a judge about it before hand, that way ill have a credible witness to help me establish premeditation (since premeditation should constitute disproof of their abilities).

how can it make me so sad? its just a pattern of signals in my eyes and ears. it caused my whole body to shiver, through my face and chest, and then my arms and legs. Popper or Russell spoke of suffering, and that it will always be a part of human existence, and that it should be no part of ours to increase its amount. it was probably Russell.

just remember that people care about you.

i think a lot of Russell speaking about his three motivations: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of humankind. and now im feeling like the longing for love is definitely a large one for me, search for knowledge sounds good. and unbearable pity seems right also. but this ideas dont really manifest themselves to me that way. i feel as if i have a grand lead in the comprehension of reality; the suffering i see around me within mankind is unbearable, but it gives me the strongest urges to share these marvelous insights that have been revealed to me, with others. i am so easily entertained, reality is just full of beautiful images, thoughts, sounds, people, ideas... and if only others saw it too, their suffering might cease. of course, the longing for love quite often impedes my ability to convey these experiences.

how does everyone else deal with unbearable pity?

can anyone really be bad?
no such thing.
no such thing as a bad human.

im learning to turn it off.
to shut myself off.
to stop it.

i am too aware of what i am, of what humans are.



when attempting to examine my problems closely, they have a tendency to dissolve.


and now i wonder, what does 'happy' mean? it seems as if a precise definition would (by self reference) fall short of its meaning.