but the sky is so empty and quiet and beautiful.

so im accidentally going to california.

"ive never been good with words which is why im in such a delicate conundrum."

but we're fooling ourselves. one last first kiss. whats a synonym for antonym? ive written about this before, but once again i have experienced water so hot that my hand first told me it was cold.

"youll do any terrifying thing youre asked to do but you have to do it running... the only thing that really scares you guys, is stillness.
...
this is my voice darling. this is what i sound like, dont forget okay?
...
evil falls suddenly. whos to say when it falls?"

"It is unclear whether her primary loyalty while working as an asset lay with the United States, the People's Republic of China, or herself."

i was re-reading what i wrote previously, about my disinterest in the supernatural, yet openness to the possibility that we are inadequately equipped to fully understand the universe, and i am now thinking there is another aspect to mysticism that i reject, and it has to do with certainty. the mystic declares some events to be supernatural, which implies a kind of certainty regarding the nature of the event. science on the other hand is supposed to imply a sort tentativeness everything it does... it is well understood that at its very core, science is built on subjective experience, though we work very hard to negate that bias (hopefully). another oddity of this whole situation is that while mysticism and science both declare certain truths about events, the declaration made by mysticism is much more fundamental than that of science: science discusses what are in some sense, very superficial aspects of the natural world, while mysticism is making statements about the fundamental nature of the universe (such as the existence of supernatural forces). okay, now im starting to think that i have abused the word mysticism some.

the i^th sign of the apocalypse, where i goes from 0 to the apocalypse.

on friday night, stefan and i hung out on the stoop outside my apartment building for several hours. a man named andy saw us and talked for a few hours, he was cool. i watched a state trooper drive up and down main street, pulling over people who ran the temporary stop sign that has been placed for the construction work. after two hours of this we went over to see if the cooking place was open attached to the bar, but it wasnt, which made sense because it was almost three o clock i think. on the way back the trooper drove by again, this time when i stared at him he looked back. then he disappeared. about five minutes after he disappeared, a (seemingly) drunk guy pulled up to our makeshift bench and came out and sat down and pretty much didnt say anything, or very little. his name was chris. chris drives a nice buick SUV with the liscense plate "-DASH-". chris dresses well, has a clean haircut, and maintains his goatee nicely. chris is probably an undercover cop for the town of keene. in retrospect, i know that what we were doing looked very sketchy; i stared at every car and person that moved up and down main street, but whatever. next time we are going to try and get him to admit he is an undercover cop.

the difference between deterents and right and wrong is very important, and i dont think most people know the difference. use stefans dog example: the dog understands that peeing in the house is punishable, it does not necessarily understand it is wrong.

but the sky is so empty and quiet and beautiful.