i know enough to understand that someone knows way more than i do.
i thought it was a creative pressure valve, but its more like a dump valve.
does it make any sense to say i am starving, but have no appetite?
i dreamed i was playing tag. freeze tag. and tom was there. and i panicked when four or so guys were teaming up to chase me down, so i froze, and when the two guys closest missed, i still stood there. then i gasped for breath, just a little, and woke up.
as i decend back into the woodwork she patiently waits to be released from the marble.
"i do not wear panties, i have never worn panties, but if called upon, panties i will wear. big white house, or small delicate european briefs."
i should get a job so i can buy things to own stuff.
the immediate sensation i receive from touching my fingers to running water is indistinguishably either hot or cold. unexpected that is.
i gone done and did it.
"but i found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. before that, i never realized how much I sought other people's approval. once i figured that out, i was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings." -Demetri Martin
attention is not recognition. thats important, to remember. i should be more comfortable with recognition than with attention. but i view nearly everything as being unimpressive anyway.
11/29/2006
using differential equations to understand people
k is for countertransference
ha, so i just saw a book titled, "everything you know about sex is wrong" but since i dont really know anything about sex i dont see how that could possibly be true.
WE MUST RETHINK OUR LOGIC, RETHINK OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE. it must be developed off of the base of truths we have learned through quantum probing. for instance, the uncertainty principle should be understood to be the correct working of things, NOT the classical concept of theoretically infinitely precise instruments. i intend to understand this better than anyone you will ever meet.
the ß is actually a ligature, used in german still, it represents 'long s over short s', long s ( ∫ )has disappeared from german however.
yeah, im really smart, but only because people have defined smart in a way that gives me an advantage. to be honest, im probably more stupid than most people. thats how cynthia could call me both the smartest and dumbest person she ever met.
hmmm, i seem to be drinking a lot of water recently. maybe ive got a leak somewhere. or maybe im retaining water! oh my god im pregnant!
i just got the advice to "use cliches" which is probably really good advice for me.
dear Miss Potassium Carbonate: what do i do? the gourd is dying!, right before my eyes!. it is a sadness i cannot bare.
i have described this to many people, but never so clearly: "ketamine acts by blocking the receptor for the neurotransmitter glutamate. glutamate is released in abundance when brain cells die, and if it weren't blocked, the glutamate overload would cause other brain cells to die as well. in the presence of excess glutamate, the brain releases its own glutamate receptor blocker to defend itself; and it is these blockers dr. jansen (amongst others) hypothesize as the cause of many [near death experiences]."
how is it that we speak of the 'age of the universe' when time itself is known to be so highly dependent on the frame of reference? could that be used to explain inflation?
"do they experience love? they have those symptoms." did you consciously choose your beliefs? do people with beliefs, normally have reasons? why do people believe in god?
is love the last belief i can have?
interesting question, can i be comfortable being in love, and enjoying love, and valuing... love, while still being very aware of its illusionary status? or maybe clearer: while still feeling very confident that love is merely an evolutionary illusion.
is it possible to believe in something, and value it, while still feeling, in fact believing, that it might as well be factually false, that the something you believe in is simply non-existant? i am uncomfortable with my beliefs! i downright want to believe in love, and i enjoy it, and... to some degree, perhaps not as much as i would like, or need to, i trust love. but i am confident, to a degree most would call 'knowledge', that love is just an illusion. how bizarre.
people sometimes blame science for suffering. they seem to interpret the application of scientific knowledge in the creation of weapons technology as being the result, or even possibly the direct intention of scientific investigation. but it isnt. and i would like to point out, you never hear of scientists blowing themselves up. getting in gun fights. taking over buildings, countries, governments. you never hear scientists promote violence for scientific reasons. scientists are people, and so they may do the horrible things people do. but as scientists, they are solely concerned with science (or should be), and they have no place for politics or beliefs as silly as religion.
if you love someone, you should be willing to allow them to travel 26 light years distant. and if they come back to you, then i clearly dont understand physics yet (unless you just age an extra fifty years). although i already knew that i suppose.
im acting like a... hysterical person.
hysterically happy
hysterically sad
hysterically afraid
plagued by a sense of curiosity.
ha, so i just saw a book titled, "everything you know about sex is wrong" but since i dont really know anything about sex i dont see how that could possibly be true.
WE MUST RETHINK OUR LOGIC, RETHINK OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE. it must be developed off of the base of truths we have learned through quantum probing. for instance, the uncertainty principle should be understood to be the correct working of things, NOT the classical concept of theoretically infinitely precise instruments. i intend to understand this better than anyone you will ever meet.
the ß is actually a ligature, used in german still, it represents 'long s over short s', long s ( ∫ )has disappeared from german however.
yeah, im really smart, but only because people have defined smart in a way that gives me an advantage. to be honest, im probably more stupid than most people. thats how cynthia could call me both the smartest and dumbest person she ever met.
hmmm, i seem to be drinking a lot of water recently. maybe ive got a leak somewhere. or maybe im retaining water! oh my god im pregnant!
i just got the advice to "use cliches" which is probably really good advice for me.
dear Miss Potassium Carbonate: what do i do? the gourd is dying!, right before my eyes!. it is a sadness i cannot bare.
i have described this to many people, but never so clearly: "ketamine acts by blocking the receptor for the neurotransmitter glutamate. glutamate is released in abundance when brain cells die, and if it weren't blocked, the glutamate overload would cause other brain cells to die as well. in the presence of excess glutamate, the brain releases its own glutamate receptor blocker to defend itself; and it is these blockers dr. jansen (amongst others) hypothesize as the cause of many [near death experiences]."
how is it that we speak of the 'age of the universe' when time itself is known to be so highly dependent on the frame of reference? could that be used to explain inflation?
"do they experience love? they have those symptoms." did you consciously choose your beliefs? do people with beliefs, normally have reasons? why do people believe in god?
is love the last belief i can have?
interesting question, can i be comfortable being in love, and enjoying love, and valuing... love, while still being very aware of its illusionary status? or maybe clearer: while still feeling very confident that love is merely an evolutionary illusion.
is it possible to believe in something, and value it, while still feeling, in fact believing, that it might as well be factually false, that the something you believe in is simply non-existant? i am uncomfortable with my beliefs! i downright want to believe in love, and i enjoy it, and... to some degree, perhaps not as much as i would like, or need to, i trust love. but i am confident, to a degree most would call 'knowledge', that love is just an illusion. how bizarre.
people sometimes blame science for suffering. they seem to interpret the application of scientific knowledge in the creation of weapons technology as being the result, or even possibly the direct intention of scientific investigation. but it isnt. and i would like to point out, you never hear of scientists blowing themselves up. getting in gun fights. taking over buildings, countries, governments. you never hear scientists promote violence for scientific reasons. scientists are people, and so they may do the horrible things people do. but as scientists, they are solely concerned with science (or should be), and they have no place for politics or beliefs as silly as religion.
if you love someone, you should be willing to allow them to travel 26 light years distant. and if they come back to you, then i clearly dont understand physics yet (unless you just age an extra fifty years). although i already knew that i suppose.
im acting like a... hysterical person.
hysterically happy
hysterically sad
hysterically afraid
plagued by a sense of curiosity.
11/26/2006
k is for Counterfeit; k is not for Counterfeit
what i am i am not.
fee mail-box?
meanings change so quick.
ask yourself if you are happy and you cease to be so.
"did you know that you actually have to burp babies? its not an option." –Kevin Seymour
these ducks dont understand fluid dynamics.
DO NOT get caught up in concerns. instead, get entertained by the process.
i wonder if my search for information and answers is equivalent to those people who spend a long time searching for god, or answers to lifes questions.
unfortunately, i do not have the pleasure of choosing what i ignore. but there was a time in which i felt confident that i could convince myself of anything. that should be useful.
more elaborate designs will not save you. YOU MUST KEEP MOVING! YOU MUSTNT STOP! NOTHING STOPS MOVING! NOTHING STOPS. orbits only work because of motion. i wouldnt want to crash now would i? i got paranoid. this paranoid state of mind demands too much blood; it strains an already stressed heart.
today [11·18·06] in the car on the way home from boston, i saw the biggest X ive ever seen.
"im very attracted to you; and no, im not calling you fat." and i dont just dont just mean dont just mean physically. as superficial as can be, id still be happy blind. blindly happy. happy in thought. happy in ideas. ecstatic for concept; ecstatic for souls. and i dont usually let myself be so certain.
"I shall be as little vague as I know how to be if I am to employ the English language"
–Bertrand Russell
i wonder, does it appear that the uncertainty principle has something in common with relativistic lack of simultaneity? i think ive wondered that before, but now i ask as Russell speaks of vagueness and precision in reality versus words. it interests me again.
and now, for once, something of value:
i wish i could write Music in Words. whole Orchestrated pieces. and emotions and states of mind and feelings. everything to be human. i feel scarcly human.
my mom asked me if i believe love exists, and i changed the subject. she asked me if i believed in love, and i changed the subject; its not that i dont believe in love. im not really sure what that means even. but i am comfortable saying: i look at what people seem to indicate love is, and i believe that it is something i feel very strongly; i hope i am finding ways to express that.
i told my mom last night that i am a strict physicalist. i told her i define existence as something you could place in a box of finite size, with some reasonably definite location.
she asked me if i believe love exists, and i changed the subject.
i need to talk to people much smarter than myself about this. its the only way for me to ever know what i think.
fee mail-box?
meanings change so quick.
ask yourself if you are happy and you cease to be so.
"did you know that you actually have to burp babies? its not an option." –Kevin Seymour
these ducks dont understand fluid dynamics.
DO NOT get caught up in concerns. instead, get entertained by the process.
i wonder if my search for information and answers is equivalent to those people who spend a long time searching for god, or answers to lifes questions.
unfortunately, i do not have the pleasure of choosing what i ignore. but there was a time in which i felt confident that i could convince myself of anything. that should be useful.
more elaborate designs will not save you. YOU MUST KEEP MOVING! YOU MUSTNT STOP! NOTHING STOPS MOVING! NOTHING STOPS. orbits only work because of motion. i wouldnt want to crash now would i? i got paranoid. this paranoid state of mind demands too much blood; it strains an already stressed heart.
today [11·18·06] in the car on the way home from boston, i saw the biggest X ive ever seen.
"im very attracted to you; and no, im not calling you fat." and i dont just dont just mean dont just mean physically. as superficial as can be, id still be happy blind. blindly happy. happy in thought. happy in ideas. ecstatic for concept; ecstatic for souls. and i dont usually let myself be so certain.
"I shall be as little vague as I know how to be if I am to employ the English language"
–Bertrand Russell
i wonder, does it appear that the uncertainty principle has something in common with relativistic lack of simultaneity? i think ive wondered that before, but now i ask as Russell speaks of vagueness and precision in reality versus words. it interests me again.
and now, for once, something of value:
i wish i could write Music in Words. whole Orchestrated pieces. and emotions and states of mind and feelings. everything to be human. i feel scarcly human.
my mom asked me if i believe love exists, and i changed the subject. she asked me if i believed in love, and i changed the subject; its not that i dont believe in love. im not really sure what that means even. but i am comfortable saying: i look at what people seem to indicate love is, and i believe that it is something i feel very strongly; i hope i am finding ways to express that.
i told my mom last night that i am a strict physicalist. i told her i define existence as something you could place in a box of finite size, with some reasonably definite location.
she asked me if i believe love exists, and i changed the subject.
i need to talk to people much smarter than myself about this. its the only way for me to ever know what i think.
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